For anyone dealing with an illness, grief, or the loss of a loved one, the holidays can be a time of sadness, pain, anger, or dread. It can be difficult to cope, especially when you see the sights and sounds of holiday happiness all around you. Grief can become overwhelming with waves of memories, particularly during Valentine’s Day, Passover, High Holidays, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas and many other special times. Grief can also magnify the stress that is often already a part of the holidays. How can you begin to fill the emptiness you feel when it seems that everyone else is overflowing with joy? There are a few strategies, from the Harvard Mental Health Letter, that you can employ to help you get through this time.
Make a New Tradition for Your Family
During a holiday dinner, place a lighted candle on the dinner table, leave an empty chair, or say a few words of remembrance.
Alter Your Yearly Plans
Go out to dinner instead of planning an elaborate meal at home. Or schedule a trip with friends.
Don’t Be Afraid to Show Emotion
People who are grieving may find it hard to participate in all the festivities or may need to let go of unsatisfying traditions. It’s all right to tell people you just aren’t up to it right now or to change plans at the last minute. I remember that my sister did not join in singing carols, the holidays after our father died.
Lend a Helping Hand
It may also help to volunteer through a charitable or religious organization. Make a donation to a favorite cause in memory of the person who died. In retrospect, I wish I had done this during that sad holiday.
Don’t Pressure Yourself to Get Over It
The grieving process doesn’t neatly conclude at the six-month or one-year mark. Depending on the strength of the bond that was broken, grief can be life-long. Nevertheless, grief does usually soften and change over time. With time, the holidays will become easier to handle.
The most important thing to remember is there is no right or wrong way to celebrate the holiday season after the death of a loved one, and that the best way to cope with that first holiday season is to plan ahead, get support from others and take it easy.